I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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