Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
