Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize