Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
