Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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