I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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