I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize