I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
