And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
