This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
