How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
