Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fuck appropriateness.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
