are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
