i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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