it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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