Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize