i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
