as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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