do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
love makes seman taste better
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
