You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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