You're so nebulous sometimes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
