it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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