cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
