After last night, I could never be a politician.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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