i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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