i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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