for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
