Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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