She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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