i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
