i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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