I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
