it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
