where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
