come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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