My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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