cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
