This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
