He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
