woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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