Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
