Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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