i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cat gives me a boner
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
