I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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