Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
