God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize