remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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