Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize