i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
