We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
