worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
