She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
