Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
