I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
