i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize