ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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