i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
