You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
