Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
