I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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