super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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