don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
