i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
