You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
