I wish I could teleport
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
