so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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