drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
