So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
