we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
