is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
