winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
