this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
